Life at the moment has been such a roller coaster for me. At moments I am soaring above the clouds, and the very next I find myself plummeting into deep craters that I've crashed into before. I'm mixing metaphors a bit here, sorry.
What I mean to say is that God keeps blessing and I keep forgetting that He's there the very next moment. Let me explain...
A list of my recent blessings:
-Have been getting a fairly decent amount of work as an office temp and have actually been enjoying myself most of the time
-I got a letter from my college loan saying that because I have been so faithful thus far in paying my bills on time, they have reduced my debt to only $1500 more with barely any interest at all!!! This means that I could very well pay off my college loan before I go back to school for my masters!
-My family rocks and I've been loving deepening my friendships with my siblings and parents
-Mom's heart condition seams to be continuing to heal well (if only she would let herself rest more!)
-And I was just offered a job for the spring doing what I love in an absolutely beautiful place - An Outdoor Educator for a Christian camp at Catalina Island!
God is just poring blessings down!
And yet I continue to struggle. Fear and doubt continue to find footholds in the quiet moments of my mind. I worry about my mom working too hard and not giving her heart the rest it needs. I worry about my dad's health and working so hard and pushing himself so much. I worry about my siblings and how they are going to make it in the harsh world and how I can't be their safety net like I wish I could because I can't even take full care of myself at this point. I worry that I won't have what it takes to do what I need to do to eventually support myself again. And I worry that if I do finally find a long-term occupation, I will find myself trapped spending all my life doing something I dislike and being a waste to God and this world.
These are my biggest worries. They are what keep me up at night. And yet, when I look at what God has been blessing me with lately, they seem to directly counter-attack each one of my fears!
And once again I marvel at how intimate the God of the universe can be. So once again, I mentally take each worry and fear and give it over to Him, like He tells us to. I wish there was some way that I could figure out how to never worry and fear about these things again for good, but perhaps this constant mental exercise is part of the whole necessary process. Hopefully some day, I will have done this so often that I won't loose altitude when the fears and worries attack.