Thursday, March 18, 2010
A Memory of a Small Moment
A conversation about the length of my hair being in a constant state of change with Chelsea (one of the resident fellows here at The Kilns; and the only other girl besides myself here!) reminded me of a small moment I will treasure always. It was a moment of simple and blissful friendship.
I had just cut my hair again just above shoulder length and was crying and regretting my mistake, just like I always did when I cut my hair. Why I kept doing it, I’ll never know! I had locked myself in my room, drowning in my own self-pity and frustration at my infernal stupidness. My roommate (Angela) had come in and tried to comfort me, but to no avail. So unbeknownst to me, she went for reinforcements. Soon Colby and Kendal had joined her at the lobby door to try to coax me out. They called or sent Angela back in, I don’t remember specifically how, but finally I emerged and asked them how bad the cut really was. Like the good friends they were, they had so many reasons why it was a great hair cut and if I didn’t like it, it would only be a little while before it grew out again. I was softened by their compliments, but still not quite beyond the tragedy of regret. And so Kendal decided something more drastic was to be done. Right there in the lobby of the girls dorms he had us all lie down in a circle with our heads each resting on each other’s bellies. When we had formed this odd pretzel, he told us to start laughing. At first, it was nervous bits of laughter filled with uncomfortable bewilderment. But then, as our heads started to bob to the cadences of our laughing tummies, the laughter grew and became true robust giggles and guffaws. My horrid haircut was completely forgotten, thanks to the ingenuity and whimsy of my friends.
It is the memory of moments such as these that make me wonder if the best times of my life really are behind me. I hope not! How dreadful to have the best moments of your entire life over just as your adult life starts. I would rather believe in the saying that “the best is yet to come.” To always have this in my mind is a far more reassuring thought to live each day with than the idea that now I must just push through it all until old age forces me to stop and then either live off the drudgery of my life at work or the hopeful care of another’s income. This is what I absolutely must keep saying to myself to ward off those harrowing dark clouds of despair. However, I do love it when insignificant daily moments remind me of the significant memories of my past. It gives a certain texture to my life that enriches even the very dull moments of the present. And remembering these warm moments, my thoughts always turn to the goodness of my God who is never too big (although He is infinite and in charge of all things) to work these small tragedies of my life into memories of sunshine. And if He cares enough to work even these small things into good, how much more can I trust Him to work out the big things in my life?!