Missing NorCal

It's been a long time since I've posted. Sorry! I've been busy spending some glorious moments with some of my bestest friends in all the world. I wish that could have gone on forever.

But now I'm back in Southern California looking to what's next. Not a whole lot of firm ideas or plans yet. I'm going to spend all of September at my Grandparents house in Louisiana to help with my grandpa and to listen to more stories about their life. I've been writing a story inspired by their love story and was just praying about how it would be great if I could get more stories from them to finish the story I've been working on and then my mom mentioned that I should go. So I'm going!

Then I'll be looking into taking the GRE (which means I need to start hitting the books to relearn all the algebra and geometry I've forgotten over the past nine years since I've taken a math class) and then looking into masters programs. I'm seriously considering a degree in Student Affairs in order to do positions such as Resident Director and hopefully running my own outdoor adventure/performing arts camp. I just really love youth and college age people and find adults rather boring.

I miss my friends. I miss my mountains and forests. Living in SoCal now after living in the wonderfulness of NorCal is quite the let down, I must say. I don't care what people say about NorCal, they're probably just SoCal people who either are ignorant about how wonderful NorCal is or they're just trying to make themselves feel better by living in a delusion because they can't live in NorCal. I've lived in both and I would take NorCal hands down every time! Please don't forget me!

Spring & Summer '10

I have begged for God to take me,
Yet have also felt the ecstasy of His Aslan breath.

Despair has strangled my every thought,
Yet I have never felt such heights of Spiritual inspiration.

I have finally released my entire grasp to
My life, my future, my present,
And have never experienced such fear.

And yet I know stronger than ever
That through my blinded soul and open palms
My God has me in His hands.
He will not let me fall.

I want my life to count for more than just my own.
To waste what God has entrusted to me is my greatest fear.

And then a certain verse is whispered in my heart:
"And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." Philippians 1:6
He began the work (not me) and He is faithful to finish it!

He gives me beauty for ashes.
I'll be His Cinderella.

So Tired

I can't sleep. I think I'm at that stage of exhaustion where you're so beyond tired that you can't even feel that anymore. And yet I don't feel that I have done enough or all that I should have at the end of each day. How can I be only twenty-seven and so tired of everything already? I think the world as we know it today is far too stressful and I'll be surprised if the extended length of life these days doesn't start to drop again just because of all the stress that keeps building around everyone.

Last night a poet talked about how he just wanted to bend light around him and disappear. I know how he feels. I'm exhausted just trying to not stress out about everything. I'm tired of having to be so responsible. I only have so many hours in the day to get the mountain and the mammoth that looms up new every day out of my way and I don't feel like I have time to just relax and be myself anymore.

I Have Said NO

I have turned down the offer to take over the innkeeper position here at Moore Cottage. The more I learned about all it involved and the more I thought and prayed about it, the more I realized that it was absolutely wrong for me and I was only going along with it because I don't see any other options at this time, i.e. Fear. However, when I finally decided to say no, instead of feeling crazy, I felt total relief and almost entire peace about God guiding my future, which is still unknown to me, but truly in His hands. At least I know one path that isn't right. We're narrowing it down at any rate!

So I'm staying in SoCal for a little while longer and starting the job search all over again. Not too excited about that, but fear of the unknown has got to be conquered at some point and it might as well be now! If I really trust God and believe in His crazy go against common sense sometimes, more wonderful than I ever imagine, heart fulfilling promises, then I have to choose to obey Him. So, with praise and thanksgiving (even when my feelings don't agree, thank you Catherine Marshall [and Christine!]) I make my requests known to Him.

Praise God He is good! This is the hope I cling to. No matter how depressing life seems, through it all and at the center of everything, the One who holds it all together is GOOD! Depression can not last against this. Darkness can not hide from it. The fact is, my God holds the stars to their course and He promises to hold me to mine. I just have to lift my feet.

My Next Move

Well, I'm back in Southern California for a week waking up at 4:30am and wondering what my body's going to do next when I take it to Massachusetts next week for a month!

I'll be heading out there to run programming for the C. S. Lewis Foundation's Vacation With A Purpose volunteer weeks throughout the month of July to get the new site for the C. S. Lewis Great Books College campus all spic and span. I visited the campus right before I flew out to England to be the Warden at The Kilns. That was in February and it was absolutely beautiful. I've never spent much time on the East coast, but I'm already a little bit in love with the nature and flavor there. :)

The college was established on the birthplace and burial site of Dwight L. Moody. What a great place to start out with Lewis, eh?! It's absolutely gorgeous. The countryside is full of rolling hills and multicolored trees and encompasses the campus, making it seem like it's a million miles from any city or busy hubbub, although there's the cutest little town just down the road and it's only about two hours away from New York City!

There are side walks that wind between the buildings and are lined with Narnia lanterns and glow in the early morning mist. There's mountains for hiking, rivers for kayaking, and forests for exploring all within a few minutes drive or even walk. And the buildings themselves are beautiful old ones that practically come alive with characters all their own. The chapel even looks like something strait out of Oxford.

I'm starting to really look forward to my next upcoming visit. I never get tired of God's amazing spectacular beauty and the wonderful things He has in store for those who look to Him.

Stepping Stones of Faith Fulfilled

My time here at The Kilns is quickly coming to an end and I am attempting to leave with no regrets or things left undone, yet also knowing there is only so much I can possible experience while here in this realm of infinite possibility.

I have entertained and cooked for world renown authors and sat in discussion with them in C. S. Lewis' old common room. I have walked the enchanted paths that inspired Narnia and Middle Earth and have found my own inspirations for possible worlds of my own future publications. I have walked the halls and streets of the ancient Oxford college buildings, libraries, and chapels where I have heard the voices of little boy angels singing praises to God reverberating off vaulted ceilings. I have made dear friends that I will keep close to my heart for a lifetime and have been challenged and encouraged by them to know God more in ways that I have never experienced before. And I have discovered and read wonderful books while sitting at a sunny window overlooking trees and listening to the beautiful voices of English birdsong.

So instead of looking back and thinking of all the things I could have done or all the time I might have put to better use while staying here at The Kilns, I will think upon these memories. And through them I will always find myself raising tearful eyes to my wonderful loving Father God who sent me here when I needed it most.

My future is still very much unknown. And this still very much troubles my nature for desiring always a clearly scheduled plan. However, through my experiences here and even through my very struggles with my scary unknown future I am learning that I really can trust God that He really is in control and can handle my problems. I now have quite a few stepping stones of faith moments fulfilled to stand upon as I wait to see what God will do next!

My Mom Came to Visit!

The reason it has been so long since my last blog is because my mom was able to come out and visit me for about two weeks! And I planned every nook and cranny of her visit with as much of England for her and I to see as possible! I barely left time for us to pee!





We spent three days in London, where we saw and experienced almost every big tourist site to see:




Friday
-Saw the Marble Arch
-Walked through Kensington Gardens and saw Kensington Palace (which was a depressingly ugly brick building that looked more like a condemned warehouse than a palace)
-Saw the statue of Peter Pan (FINALLY!) and took about a million pictures
-Saw the Wellington Arm and went up inside it, then saw knights in shining armor ride through on their way to Buckingham Palace for the Changing of the Guard
-Saw the Changing of the Guard at Buckingham Palace and were right at the gates
-Ate at the world famous Chor Bazaar Indian restaurant
-Saw Trafalgar Square
-Saw Piccadilly Circus
-Went through the British Museum and saw the Rosetta Stone, artifacts from the Parthenon, Assyria, Babylon, Egypt, and Nineveh, and saw mummies
-Saw Big Ben and the House of Parliament
-Went to Westminster Abbey for Evensong and heard their angelic boy's choir
-Found our favorite sandwich shop in the whole world - Pret*A*Manger (pronounced with a French accent)
-Walked through some amazing bookshops
-Went to the longest running show of all time - The Mouse Trap in the West End
-and then went back to Big Ben to see it all lit up for the night





Saturday
-Took a train to Hampton Court Palace where King Henry VIII lived with all his unfortunate wives, and walked through the beautiful gardens, saw the longest and biggest grape vine in the entire world (which is in the Guinness Book of World Records), and went through a yew tree maze that was a little lack luster to be honest
-Had Cornish cream ice cream that looked and tasted like cold sugary butter and probably put me back a month of working out
-Walked over London Bridge
-Walked through the magnificent St. Paul's Cathedral and climbed over two hundred steps to the dome
-Saw the London Tower and the Tower Bridge
-Went to the Royal Opera House to see three new ballets from the Royal Ballet Company
-Went to see Harrods all lit up at night





The following Sunday
-Went through the Tower of London and saw the Crown Jewels, including the largest cut diamond in the entire world, which is in the Queen's scepter.
-Walked on the Tower Bridge
-Walked around the Globe Theatre (it was closed due to a show, so we couldn't go in)
-Shopped at the famous Foyles Bookstore
-Went all over Harrods
-And then went back and walked through Hyde Park and Kensington Gardens watching all the Londoners celebrate the unusually hot weather in the Serpentine Lake and Diana's Fountains, and then sat by Peter Pan's statue watched the cutest little children play with their fathers and climb all over Peter.

And that's just what we did in London! We also experienced:





-Blenheim Palace (the birthplace of Sir Winston Churchill
-Stratford-Upon-Avon (Shakespeare's birthplace, burial site, and cottage where he courted his future wife)
-The Cotswolds
-All over Oxford, including an extended tour of the Bodlian Library where they keep at least one of every book published in England and thousands of books from all over the world!
-Shotover Forest
-and probably more that I can't remember, due to the fact that I'm still trying to catch my breath!

It was sooooooo wonderful having my mom come and visit me. I loved every minute of my time with her, even when I was grumpy. Hopefully she'll recover soon as well!

And now I must call this summary to an end as I have just given five tours of The Kilns today and am exhausted all over again!