Bends in Roads & Thoughts Along the Way

I love how the straightest looking road can surprise you with a turn or a bend.

This is how I feel about being here, living in an apartment in SoCal, going to grad school. My roommates are two lovely girls I'm so happy to know. I love that we seem to like so many of the same things, even though we are all so different in many ways. The more I get to know those in my cohort, the more I'm starting to warm up to them and I'm starting to get excited about spending the next two years getting to know them better. My classes are interesting. I don't think I could have chosen a better career path for my personality and interests. I'm just eating up all that we're learning about the theories of adult development.

I'm also learning still so much about myself. The journey of self-discovery is never ending, and just as surprisingly bendy as that road I was talking about earlier. Even crisis can be a wrapped present of possible discovery.

And this makes me think about God. Some people say that "how can there be a God with so much bad in the world?" But I just don't see that. I see how bad this world is, and I know I don't even see the half of it, but I don't just see the bad. I wonder how there can be so much good in this world, with even the bad things leading to good in the craziest ways if there wasn't a God full of goodness watching over it all. He can't help it that we asked for our freedom and then blame Him for every bad decision that one of us makes.

We expect paradoxes. We say people should be able to do whatever they want to do if they just don't hurt anyone. But then who determines what is "hurt?" We say truth is relative. But is that truth relative then? And if I say truth is fixed, why do you get angry? By your own admission, you shouldn't be able to tell me that I can't say that or believe it.

Why is this not obvious?

For me, I can only rest in the belief that my life does have purpose and meaning, that there is Someone who is perfect and good and cares who knows me and is responsible for me. I can only find relief and the ability to try, because I know that whatever I do, I can't ruin His plans. There is something greater and bigger than me, and guidance is available for the asking. There is still hope for this world. And because I can rest in the knowledge that Someone so trustworthy and dependable has my back, I have the courage to be brave and to try things I never would risk if I thought I was on my own.

Pintrest, Editing, and So Much Homework

I found this on the internet while looking for script structures for an assignment, and I found this. Even though they are two of my favorite epic stories, I never realized how hilariously similar they are. I wanted to put it on Pintrest, but it wouldn't work, so I thought I would put it on my blog and then I would post it on Pintrest from there.

That's really all I had to say about this. Hopefully it works.

Oh, and I really love my writers group. They are so encouraging and I have never found editing to be so fun.

OK. Now hopefully back to homework... after a little more Pintrest.

And I promise to write soon about my beginning experiences of grad school! Here's a peak: I think I'm gonna like it here. :)

Kindled by my Kindle

I have become the "Kindle Evangelist" at my office. Whenever I take a brake for lunch, out comes my Kindle, and inevitably, out comes the expected questions and comments as well. "I just don't think I could ever give up reading a real book." "How does it work?" "How much was that, and do you have to pay a monthly subscription for the internet?"

I just look into their eyes as a gleam from within starts to "kindle" at the thought of how my "Magic Library" has changed my life. And without hesitation, I'm off once more, giving my whole little shpeal about how great a Kindle could be for their life as it is for mine. I can't help the glee that seeps into my tone and often squeals in a girlish fashion at the end. I invariably tell the story of how I had dreamed my life of having a purse, or a box, or a container of some sort that was able to magically hold my own personal grand library, and now that dream has come true. For the first time, magic has truly become a reality in my life.

Today was another one of those moments. And today I was officially coined the "Kindle Evangelist." And today a new thought seeped into my mind as I contemplated how much I loved my Kindle - have I ever had a conversation such as this about my faith?

I'm quite passionate about my faith, what I think about the God I choose to serve and love. I spend time reading (on my Kindle) His words every day. And I try to be in constant communication with Him throughout each of my days. He's invariably apart of my conversation and I have among my possessions and wardrobe, quite a few indicators that I am a Christian. But when someone notices one of these facts, do I bubble over with a warm and excited explanation like I do about my Kindle?

No. When I think about the times I have been asked, I realize that I usually explain almost as if I'm apologizing. And it's not that I'm embarrassed that they found me out. I'm not embarrassed. That isn't the feeling. When I analyze these moments I find that I feel more like I shouldn't show too much emotion, that I should hold back and allow the person every opportunity to let the question slide, as if I'm expecting anyone who asks me to be horribly offended at my extremely politically incorrect answer.

Apparently, I have unwittingly given in to the idea that people don't want to hear about my faith; that anything is on the table for discussion accept that very unseemly topic. But I think this is a big social lie. And now that I know what my subconscious seems to be doing, hopefully I will no longer inhibit my zest for explaining my passions with loaded enthusiasm to only socially "safe" topics of technological magic, sports teams, and art.

This doesn't mean that I am now going to stand on a street corner and shout "Jesus" at everyone that passes by. I wouldn't do that about my Kindle either! I'm not that kind of person or "evangelist." Never have been. But hopefully, the next person who asks me what I'm reading, if it's my Bible, I won't just blush and give a little one worded explanation. But instead, just like every other aspect of my life, I will allow myself the freedom to be my warm, passionate and wordy self.

Hello Again

Hello again world! And all of you who have been desperately waiting for a terribly overdue update on my present adventure (slightly being facetious here if you hadn't noticed already). But it really has been quite a while since my last blog and quite a lot has been happening... hence the belated updated.

I have been working in the Center for Academic Service-Learning and Research, helping with special projects and getting ready for undergraduate training since July 5th. And now training is almost upon us! My real internship will be starting next week. My official title is in keeping with the length of the office's name: Graduate Assistant of Student Development and Project Operations... or something like that (I'm still trying to memorize that behemoth of a title!). Basically, I will be the supervisor/mentor of nine undergraduate student workers who will be facilitating Service-Learning components in fifty+ classes. I'll be in charge of making sure they're doing everything they're supposed to do and acting as the proverbial bridge between them and the permanent staff in the office. I'm really looking forward to them coming and this all really starting.

Especially since this weekend when I went home and randomly picked up one of my dad's text books for a personality profiling class he teaches. I ended up reading almost the entire book that day, taking the Meyers/Briggs test and other such tests and taking notes about what the findings mean. I've taken those tests plenty of times before and read the little paragraph descriptions about what the results say I'm like, but I had never really paid much attention to the validity of this research before. I usually made some joke about "Of course the description accurately describes me! It asked me to describe myself and now it's just reverberating what I already know about myself!" But now I know I was just scoffing out of my own ignorance. Reading that book opened my eyes to things about myself that I have struggled with my entire remembered life. Things I've always wondered about if I was just horribly messed up ended up being just apart of my personality type and it even gave me advice about how to deal with the common issues that are apart of who I am. It also affirmed and explained so many half-formed notions, hunches, and thoughts about me and how I react and respond to others. It was intensly fascinating!

I am an INfJ, which means that I am an Introvert/Intuitive/Feeling/Judging personality; an "Idealist Counselor." Basically, I couldn't have picked a better focus for my M.S. (College Counseling and Student Development), and apparently I am specifically crafted for this exact type of work! And also, the type of guy I've always been attracted to - turns out that's the type that my type is usually most attracted to and gloriously vice verse as well! Unfortunately, our two types apparently only make up about twelve percent of the general population, which does perhaps explain at least one of the reasons for my rather small experience in the world of dating and romantic relationships. Here I thought I was just being picky. Turns out, I'm only really attracted to about two percent of the human race! Figures.

Well, classes start September 6th. I really have no idea what to expect, but I think I'm excited. One of my best friends is getting married on the tenth, and I finally get to be an official brides-made! I also get to see friends I haven't seen in forever and get to stand upon some of my favorite spots in the world. I don't think I'll sleep the whole weekend, just so I don't miss any moment of it all.

The Island is Behind Me

It had to happen eventually... I no longer live on the island that can't be ugly. It was quite a bittersweet departure. On the one hand, I was happy to not have to yell over anymore children trying to teach them something they clearly could care less about, and I surprisingly needed a break from being around so many people all the time (extrovert as I am). But on the other hand, my heart started to miss the island and all the friendships I had made there just as soon as I stepped upon that boat to leave.

I will miss so much. Catalina Island has been added to the list of special places that I will carry in my heart no matter where I go in life. It was quite an experience; one that I will probably be processing for quite a while longer.

However, now it is on to the next adventure - Grad School! Eighye! Now I need to start looking for housing, getting my financial affairs in order, and looking for a part time job to help pay for it all. And it looks like I am starting my internship that I acquired this July, which is less than a month away! I'm hoping that I will absolutely love this new two year commitment and that I will make many new deep relationships and will learn everything I need to know to be an excellent administrator for the college world. And hopefully I'll finally be able to support myself completely on my own with a very good job at the end of this experience. Hopefully. (And hopefully that doesn't mean that my adventurous life isn't almost at an end.)

So, farewell Catalina. You're forever in my heart.

1st Week of the Crazies: Pleasantly Pleasing

This week I am the lead for a little Christian school of twelve sixth graders and two teachers who have worked with these kids since they were five years old. They are possibly my most favorite group of kids yet. Luke wears the same green beanie with a red stripe on it every day with his glasses and his special pencils. He is an artist and draws the most beautiful sketches of the birds and fish. You can tell from his constant inquiring look that he is quite possibly a genius and most definitely destined for greatness. Then there's Ben, who is the wise cracker, always having some clever witty commentary going on the side of what I am saying, which means he's usually getting the "look" from me and his teachers and has lost all his candy privileges for the week (but he's adorable and we're all laughing inside). Bret is so kind and helpful. Logan is lost in his own little world. Natalie is incredibly athletic and always by my side ready to get started. I could go on, but I believe that is enough. You don't know them. But they are truly a great little group and I am so happy they are one that are here for the whole week.

I have been doing better emotionally as well. I've had a lot more time on my hands since breaking up with my boyfriend, so I've spent most of that time reading. Sherlock Holmes has kept me company most days, with a few visits from Hannah Hernard and J. M. Barrie. Working with him still makes it hard to stop being attracted to him because he is so my type. However, I am now at the place where I am almost completely happy that we have broken up. It is definitely for the best and we both deserve better matches. I do know now better then I did before that I am really quite beautiful and worthy of being wanted. I've also learned so much about myself when it comes to the realms of how I react and view men that was only abstract conjecture before. And so I can say that I am not sorry that we dated in the first place, even though he now has my first real kiss (and I can never get that back). What I really miss is the fact that we can't just go back to being friends like we were before. I think I miss his friendship the most. The cuddling I'm sure will be even better with someone who really wants to be with me, but he was such a singular person and I so miss our conversations (back before he started scoffing at everything I had to say). And that is all the bitterness I will allow. Like I said, I am mostly happy that we broke up. But there is still a part of me that thinks he really made a poor mistake and ended something that could have just started to be a really good thing.

Preparing for Crazy

It's Sunday, the day before our first big crazy week of camp commences. This month is supposedly going to be insane! Hopefully I live through it without getting too fatigued, emotionally exhausted, or too sun burnt.

This past week was quite chill and enjoyable. I was with Firefly (not the lead, which means I didn't have to wake up early to do announcements!) with a group of 7th and 8th graders who were incredibly fun and charming. We didn't have any problem children and the principal who came with them who seemed to be cantankerous at the beginning of the week turned out to be rather wonderful and a whole lot of fun by the second day and beyond. I had charge of the 8th graders, although we mostly did everything together. Firefly and I got to spend some time together and I got to get to know her a bit better and I like her even more. She is such a sweet giving soul.

This weekend we were able to just relax and watched Saturday morning cartoons (Megamind) and played a lot of pool (which it turns out I'm not half bad at). Then we had a big game of ultimate Frisbee and I actually was able to catch and throw satisfactorily on occasion, which is a definite improvement!

Last week was also full of the first real sunshine and warm weather without a whole lot of wind that we have experienced all spring so far. Unfortunately I hear it's supposed to rain this week and it went back to cold, overcast, and windy this weekend. Which also means I had no chance to even out my tan. For the first time in my life I am actually tanning! However, I've been getting most of my tan on my legs during kayaking, which means that I now have some pretty dramatic top half and short tan lines on my legs that desperately need some evening out! However, hooray for skin that has finally learned how to work with the sun!

Emerald Bay is such a beautiful place to live and I feel that I have been living like crazy this spring, learning more about myself and life in general than I have in the past few years put together. What a life journey I've been on! It makes me wonder what God has in store for me next. All I know is that no matter how wonderful going back to school and starting my internship will be, I am going to dreadfully miss this place and this time with my new (sometimes slightly dysfunctional) MSA family.